Review: Nude Nuns With Big Guns (2010)

Be afraid, be very afraid....

Be afraid, be very afraid….

Review by: Topo Sanchez
S.C.U.M. Rating: ★ ★ ★ 

Its been a while since I last saw a nunsploitation movie, so when I came across this title Nude Nuns With Big Guns while channel surfing in a holiday resort, I knew my vacation was going to be that more enjoyable….

Father Carlitos is the head of a church that acts as a front for a drug manufacturing plant. He uses his group of innocent nuns to weigh and pack the drugs, and makes sure that they do this in the nude. One day he discovers that one of the nuns have been cheating him, and he sends out his musclemen, the Los Muertos bike gang to find out which nun has to be punished.

And so the movie opens with the Los Muertos gang stopping a school bus full of nuns. The leader of the gang, Chavo, gets up the bus to interrogate the nuns, and proceeds to execute them one by one to get a confession, until our main protagonist Sister Sarah is left. She is then captured and forced into a life of abuse, drugs and prostitution.

Bottoms Up!

Right on the verge on death, she encounters God, who commands her to kill off all who are responsible for the drugs, including the clergy and innocent nuns in the church. And to test her new found strength, the first person she kills is the very person who heals her and arms her with a gun! Talk about ungrateful!!

The remaining of the film shows her unbridled rampage to get revenge. Living up to its title, there’s lots of nudity and gratuitous sex scenes, some cheesy one-liners that will make you smile from ear to ear, and of course, lots of brain blowing up and blood, lots of it.

Forgive me sista for I am about to sin…

I was rather disappointed with the plot, it seems too straightforward and predictable, but hey, if you were hoping to watch a documentary on the space time continuum particle regeneration of X to the power of Y minus the square root of Z, then you are in really in the wrong place anyway. But I cant help wishing there was a twist or something.

This film carries on the mantle of the Grindhouse genre, and is obviously inspired by Robert Rodrigeuz’s style. My favourite character is the muscle called Kickstand. He is the stereotypical huge, muscular, mean and black muthaf*cker that you dont want to mess with. Each time Chavo needs to ‘interrogate’ his subjects, he just sends in Kickstand to rape them (elderly nuns included!) and drill the truth out of them. No prizes for guessing why he’s called Kickstand though…

Kickstand drillin’ deep to get a confession

This movie thrives on the shock factor, so if you are easily offended or a pious catholic, then you should skip this film. But if you are looking for fun movie thats filled with breasts, blood, sex, severed penises and not too much logic, then you should give this film a try.

This film is really one bad mutha!


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About The Author

As a child, Topo Sanchez filled his little head with the great mysteries of UFOs, Bigfoots and bearded women as bedtime stories. His first revelation came about while watching El Topo, when he realized that two freaks became normal if they combined. So he figured if three combined, they would be superheroes (hence the birth of SCUM). His first words to his mom were 'Klaatu Barada Nikto!'

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